The task of moving in a parent, spouse, and sometimes (and we have a resident like this) your child into a nursing home will become the hardest task you will have to endure other than that person's death. You have made the tour and talked with the administrative staff, Social Services (provided by the facility), and the Dircetor of Nurses has interviewed you and your loved one. You want to make this transition as smooth as possible.
Every nursing home I have worked always has a furnished room: bed, bedside dresser, bedside table, sometimes a recliner or comfortable room chair, closet, bathroom and sink area if a single room and 2 beds in the shared rooms and 2 closets or wardrobes. If your loved one is in what is called a Medicare room, yes they cannot own any property, but if they have private insurance, they can own whatever they want. (There are some other guidelines and policies that go along with this, but you can find out more from the Administrator or Social Services Director.) If your loved one has any furniture they prefer to have to make their room more like home, by all means, that is their right. Most facilities are not so staunch about the furnishings as to deny a resident what reminds them of home. They should welcome this! I remember years ago at another facility I use to work, allowed a couple to move their whole bedroom furniture into their room. They were the happiest couple in the facility! If you want your loved one to feel at home, give them what came from their home so they don't feel like they are living in a strange place, but THEIR place.
Secondly, bring them clothes to wear! I emphasize this mainly because I go into a new resident's room in the morning intended to dress them for breakfast, go into their dresser or closet and find nothing or next to nothing for them to wear. I swear to you, I have found this! I remember having to put a robe on one man over his pajamas because he had nothing in his closet or dresser to wear. Yes there are facilities that have clothing families have donated for such an occasion when their family member died, but at 6:00 in the morning, we aides do not have access to that area.
Then you have those residents who have clothes, but the clothes are ill-fitting, either too big or too small-mostly too small. This is mostly in the pants because often that person must wear an attend (adult diaper) or adult pull-ups because of a change in their bodily functions. This new kind of underwear is much bulkier than normal underwear. They will need larger pants, but believe me, there is nothing wrong with sweat pants. In fact, most of them prefer sweat pants or elastic waist pants. There is also the fact that some gain or loose weight due to illness, lack of mobility, and age. Ill fitting clothes look unsightly and takes away from that person's self respect and dignity. Before hand, make sure their clothes fit and if you need to, buy them some clothes. We all know how expensive clothes are these days, but second-hand clothing shops are wonderful places to shop.
For the ladies, please bring them their own bras or bras that fit them. Their skin is much more fragile when they are older and a ill-fitting bra will dig right into their flesh that can cause infectious sores. What may benefit them as an alternative are Cammies and undershirts with an inside bra. These can be much more comfortable for then and they will still look nice.
If you cannot do your love one's laundry and wish for the facility to do their laundry, put your love one's name on the clothing yourself with a permanent marker. You can do this in advance before making the move. The best place in tee shirts, underwear, shirts, and pants is on the tag if it is big enough, but if it isn't, put their name just inside the band so it is easily seen by the laundry personnel. With socks, place name under the foot area so people do not see writing coming out of their shoes. Mostly, you want to ensure their name is not shown on the outside of their clothing which can make the clothing look bad on them. The facility and the aides would greatly appreciate the help, but will gladly do this for you. This will also help in filling out the inventory sheet they or you will need to fill out anyway.
Like I said before: You want your loved one to feel as much at home as possible. Their transition may become smoother if they come to the facility with their things already moved into their room and possibly arranged like their room at home. This can greatly help them feel more at home, less confused, and soften the blow to their new living arrangements.
Not all of us has the luxury of time, but when it comes to making this necessary move, take the time for the sake of your loved one. The sacrifice of time you give them will improve their time there.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
YOU WANT TO PUT ME WHERE? (Part Two)
This is a time to think about what is important. In the last blog, I suggested we place ourselves in the other person's shoes. An effective route of placing oneself in another's shoes is to visit the nursing homes nearest you for certainly, you will want your loved one close. That loved one will be more receptive to the idea if, in fact, they know family is near by and will commit themselves to visiting often. Think about it. How far away is your family and how often do you see them? If they are close, what if they were several states away and you only saw them on the holidays--maybe.
Another advantage will be staff who are from your same community or a close community your loved one will know and appreciate seeing daily. This can really cut down on the loneliness. Invite some of the staff members you know to visit your loved one (make sure they have a positive attitude about their work and where they work) and talk with your loved one about the nursing home. The greatest advantage will be if your loved one knows someone who is a resident at the nursing home and is willing to testify to their care at the nursing home.
I do caution that you do your homework before allowing your loved one to interview staff and other residents (as long as your loved one is lucid enough to conduct the interview.) If you want to sell a loved one on the idea, conduct your own interview sessions:
>Go inside and inspect the building:
What is the first thing you smell? If it is urine, walk back out. This is the last thing you want to experience because this means one or more individuals have not been taken care of.
Look at the care of the building. Is it clean? It may be an old building, but can you tell the building is clean? I'm not saying it has to have the look and smell of a new building, but people know if a building is maintained. Again, smell is important.
>Look at the residents.
The best time to see residents in a group is just before mealtime. Most facilities' mealtimes are 7:00 AM, Noon, and 5:00pm. In order for the residents to go into the dining area on time, they will be wheeled or sitting in the lobby area or in the dining area. A good time to visit is 30 minutes before mealtime that way you can see the residents more as a goup.
Do the residents look clean? Is their hair brushed neatly? Are they talking among themselves or yelling for something. If they are yelling, are they being attended to? Realize, sometimes all the resident needs is reassurance by hearing the sound of a person's voice and a nurse may just talk with the resident from her desk. Listen to how the nurse talks to the resident who yells. Does she yell back or does she speak to the resident in a calm tone or bring the resident closer to her to assure the resident.
>Look at the staff.
Do they look clean and professional? Understand that nurses aides and nurses have a physically challenging job, therefore, they will look a bit ruffled and their uniform may look a bit unkempt. I ofter look myself in the mirror after serving and feeding breakfast that my professional image is undesirably unkempt and if I have time, will try to straighten myself up more neatly. Sometimes I wish I could carry a clean uniform and take a shower after giving a shower. How does the staff respond to the residents, especially the yelling resident? How does the staff respond when you enter the building? Do they greet you with a smile? Do they treat you like a guest in the home of the residents? If the administrative staff are there, do they act nervous or are they relaxed? When you talk with any member of the staff, do they listen to you? How do they answer your questions, especially what may sound like a negative question or comment? Are they willing to show you the latest state evaluation book?
>Finally, talk with some of the residents.
I remember the first time I visited the nursing home I am presently working. I visited a lady from my community who had tutored my youngest son before she had to move into the nursing home. I was wonderfully impressed with how the staff treated her immediate need, then had a positive visit with this lady. I later informed my co-workers during an inservice that it was this visit that helped me to decide to work there.
If you have a positive experience in your visit or visits, most likely you can share your positive experience with your loved one and your loved one will have a positive experience also.
Understand that the information I am giving can help, but it does not mean it will be effective. You will not always have a good experience when visiting the nearest nursing home and if you don't, I strongly advise you tell the administrative staff about the experience. They are responsible for what happens in that building and they have to know what is wrong so they can fix the problems. Don't always assume they already know. It is not always a bad thing to see what is going on through a visitor's eyes. By the way, explain why you are there. They want to ensure everyone is safe within the building and they have privacy rules that they must follow to protect the residents.
Another advantage will be staff who are from your same community or a close community your loved one will know and appreciate seeing daily. This can really cut down on the loneliness. Invite some of the staff members you know to visit your loved one (make sure they have a positive attitude about their work and where they work) and talk with your loved one about the nursing home. The greatest advantage will be if your loved one knows someone who is a resident at the nursing home and is willing to testify to their care at the nursing home.
I do caution that you do your homework before allowing your loved one to interview staff and other residents (as long as your loved one is lucid enough to conduct the interview.) If you want to sell a loved one on the idea, conduct your own interview sessions:
>Go inside and inspect the building:
What is the first thing you smell? If it is urine, walk back out. This is the last thing you want to experience because this means one or more individuals have not been taken care of.
Look at the care of the building. Is it clean? It may be an old building, but can you tell the building is clean? I'm not saying it has to have the look and smell of a new building, but people know if a building is maintained. Again, smell is important.
>Look at the residents.
The best time to see residents in a group is just before mealtime. Most facilities' mealtimes are 7:00 AM, Noon, and 5:00pm. In order for the residents to go into the dining area on time, they will be wheeled or sitting in the lobby area or in the dining area. A good time to visit is 30 minutes before mealtime that way you can see the residents more as a goup.
Do the residents look clean? Is their hair brushed neatly? Are they talking among themselves or yelling for something. If they are yelling, are they being attended to? Realize, sometimes all the resident needs is reassurance by hearing the sound of a person's voice and a nurse may just talk with the resident from her desk. Listen to how the nurse talks to the resident who yells. Does she yell back or does she speak to the resident in a calm tone or bring the resident closer to her to assure the resident.
>Look at the staff.
Do they look clean and professional? Understand that nurses aides and nurses have a physically challenging job, therefore, they will look a bit ruffled and their uniform may look a bit unkempt. I ofter look myself in the mirror after serving and feeding breakfast that my professional image is undesirably unkempt and if I have time, will try to straighten myself up more neatly. Sometimes I wish I could carry a clean uniform and take a shower after giving a shower. How does the staff respond to the residents, especially the yelling resident? How does the staff respond when you enter the building? Do they greet you with a smile? Do they treat you like a guest in the home of the residents? If the administrative staff are there, do they act nervous or are they relaxed? When you talk with any member of the staff, do they listen to you? How do they answer your questions, especially what may sound like a negative question or comment? Are they willing to show you the latest state evaluation book?
>Finally, talk with some of the residents.
I remember the first time I visited the nursing home I am presently working. I visited a lady from my community who had tutored my youngest son before she had to move into the nursing home. I was wonderfully impressed with how the staff treated her immediate need, then had a positive visit with this lady. I later informed my co-workers during an inservice that it was this visit that helped me to decide to work there.
If you have a positive experience in your visit or visits, most likely you can share your positive experience with your loved one and your loved one will have a positive experience also.
Understand that the information I am giving can help, but it does not mean it will be effective. You will not always have a good experience when visiting the nearest nursing home and if you don't, I strongly advise you tell the administrative staff about the experience. They are responsible for what happens in that building and they have to know what is wrong so they can fix the problems. Don't always assume they already know. It is not always a bad thing to see what is going on through a visitor's eyes. By the way, explain why you are there. They want to ensure everyone is safe within the building and they have privacy rules that they must follow to protect the residents.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
YOU WANT TO PUT ME WHERE? (Part One)
Have you ever considered how an elderly person should feel should they be placed in a nursing home? One of the hardest realities a person has to face is the reality of loosing their independence. It is bad enough their physical condition, whether by age or sickness has deteriorated their ability to care for themselves, but to leave the home they have made for themselves to go to a nursing facility is unthinkable. Of course, their first question to you will be, "Why?" When this question is broached, you better have good answers and those answers had better be backed by their doctor and even then, you will have problems. The last thing you want to say to them is, "This is where you are going and that is it!" Wrong answer!
Time to place yourself in their shoes and see how you will feel about the idea of perfect strangers making decisions of daily living FOR YOU instead of YOU taking control of your own life's decisions that you now take for granted. How will you feel about leaving your home to live with a building of strangers? To be awoke, taken to meals, bathed, and given medicine you don't want, and then there is the roommate. To live in that facility, you are not allowed to own anything that can be taxed--house, vehicle, etc. only to be sold or given away to a family member with your name taken off the title. Are you willing to give all that up without a fight only to have control of your life taken also? There is your battle!
What about loosing those wonderful friends, family, and neighbors who live around you? Some of these folks may be a blessing to get away from, but what if one of those family members becomes your GUARDIAN! This means you cannot make a decision about yourself without that person's permission, and that person is not always a family member or a friend. I have seen situations where the guardian was a lawyer, a social worker, or an agent of the state. Will you be able to accept the decisions of these persons? For those individuals who make the claim, "That won't happen to me! I won't let it!" You do not know what your future holds so I suggest you start planning ahead because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. If you want certain wishes fulfilled, plan now or someone will plan for you.
I am stopping here because this short section is enough to think about. The main idea is: When you are about to make decisions for another adult's life, place yourself in that person's shoes, then plan according to what you would want to happen with you. The best plan is a well made plan planned out with the respect, dignity, and love for that other person.
Until next time,
Blessings!
Nancy Rich
Time to place yourself in their shoes and see how you will feel about the idea of perfect strangers making decisions of daily living FOR YOU instead of YOU taking control of your own life's decisions that you now take for granted. How will you feel about leaving your home to live with a building of strangers? To be awoke, taken to meals, bathed, and given medicine you don't want, and then there is the roommate. To live in that facility, you are not allowed to own anything that can be taxed--house, vehicle, etc. only to be sold or given away to a family member with your name taken off the title. Are you willing to give all that up without a fight only to have control of your life taken also? There is your battle!
What about loosing those wonderful friends, family, and neighbors who live around you? Some of these folks may be a blessing to get away from, but what if one of those family members becomes your GUARDIAN! This means you cannot make a decision about yourself without that person's permission, and that person is not always a family member or a friend. I have seen situations where the guardian was a lawyer, a social worker, or an agent of the state. Will you be able to accept the decisions of these persons? For those individuals who make the claim, "That won't happen to me! I won't let it!" You do not know what your future holds so I suggest you start planning ahead because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. If you want certain wishes fulfilled, plan now or someone will plan for you.
I am stopping here because this short section is enough to think about. The main idea is: When you are about to make decisions for another adult's life, place yourself in that person's shoes, then plan according to what you would want to happen with you. The best plan is a well made plan planned out with the respect, dignity, and love for that other person.
Until next time,
Blessings!
Nancy Rich
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